Stop and Stare
by LanaSH1992
Summary: Erica looks for something, Tyler looks for something. And maybe? They're both looking for the same thing.


Leaves rustled in the wind, swaying forward and back, the sun breaking through small patches. It's light touching the bright green gras, in breaking rays. The sky blue and cloud free, it was in itself a beautiful summer day. One of those days in which you just laid in your garden, at a pool, at the sea or beach. Just dangled your feet into the waters of a lake, jumped with your friends in. Or ate an ice-cream, cooling down, but at the same time just enjoying life.

Tyler was by no means someone who reminisced in past times, not someone to look back and rethink things. Not when all that was happening was in the now, was pushing him around like he used to in high school. From left to right, don't look down or you'll get sick. Watch out, corner. Ups sorry, locker. Life was mocking him and he couldn't do a thing, but let it. Just for a second stop and watch himself, watch him stumble, walk and lose footing. Slide over the ground, crash into the pavement and roll over. Muscles sore, bones cracking, breaking, reshaping.

Tyler's life was a roller coaster and he didn't know how to get off. Lost the last stop, didn't know when the next one was. And maybe there wasn't one, maybe it was like Elena had said once, their life was a freak show. A thing out of books, fairy tales with no good ending, a broken mixtape. Stuck on the worst part of the song. He leaned back, so far his shoulders were touching the grass, his hands moving up, elbows giving in a little, so he could put both arms over his head. Forearm covering his eyes, right hand holding wrist of his left.

The sun was shining down on his body, but he was always warm, there was no difference anymore. Werewolf hot, human hot, Tyler didn't know what he was. Human? Werewolf? Tyler Lockwood? Tyler the quarterback? Tyler the child? Nothing of those? Nobody? A puppet of life? Was that how Stefan felt, when he was the ripper? Was it how Stefan felt when he was alone? When he thought? When he wrote in those stupid diaries?

It sounded like something Stefan would feel or think, deep, broody, meaningful? Confusing at least. A sigh went past his lips, chest lifting and sinking heavily. The birds chirping, but he could hear more, could hear further. People talking down the road, kids running around in the neighbors garden. The fountain his mother had built in their garden, the one he wanted to just break down to dust. But didn't because it was his mothers. The house, he wished could burn down, but he wasn't like Elena, couldn't turn off his emotions, couldn't burn down the last thing that made him remember.

Remember days that were carefree, that were happy at some degree.

**This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us  
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust  
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here  
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years  
Steady hands, just take the wheel...  
And every glance is killing me  
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead**

Humans have the capability of hurting you, of tearing you apart. Of taking pieces of you, turning them, twisting them. No more room for pride, make way for the shame parade. You are responsible for what you do, for who you are. There isn't a thing about you, that can be liked. Look, are you going to cry?

Erica knew all of this, knew it by heart, knew humans. Knew the pain, the weakness, knew hatred as much as the willingness to be someone else. But now that she was, that she was something else. She didn't know anymore. Was it worth it? Who was she now? Was she still Erica? Reaching out her hand she placed it on the mirror, right above the image of her own. Was it her hand? It looked like her hand, less shaky to the eye of a human, shaking like a hummingbird's wings, to a werewolves eyes.

She never truly stopped shaking, never stopped fearing. Even with the werewolf inside, with the she wolf that knew more, than Erica could grasp. That wanted out, wanted to tear into those that made her human cry. Even with the power to make people bow down to her, she never stopped shaking. Her heart without guard and always wanting, a door wide open that people trespassed as they pleased. Kick it in, rip the paper off the walls, break the window, throw it all out.

Her brown eyes looked at her image, but she couldn't see what the others did. Couldn't see the perfect blonde curls, she saw the washed out blonde, saw the weird ponytail, that she could never make correctly. Because her hair was a mess and it was her mess. Red lips, she knew they should be red. She had put on the lipstick. But they weren't they were bloodless, were shaking, straight out wobbling. While the brown eyes, that were not framed with thick mascara painted lashes, filled with tears. Her mirror image was crying, it was screaming for her to see, what she had done to herself. What she hadn't seen before, who she was now.

Erica Reyes was a monster in package, walked the hallways of school like she knew where she belonged. When nights took away that surety that security, left her a crying and clawing. At the perfect woman she could never be, but had to pretend to be. Taking a deep breath she took her hand away from the mirror, her eyes averted from the gaze she had tried to hold. Couldn't look at herself, at the truth hidden behind painted lips, behind manicured nails, behind the perfect bounce of curls. It made her want to throw up and cry, scream. Ask for a final release, she knew she could only get with death.

But she didn't want to die, Erica wanted to live, just not like she was living now. Not running, not fearing, not existing as someone, she was not. Knock on the door, ask her to come out, look at her.

Don't judge her.

**Stop and stare****  
****I think I'm moving but I go nowhere****  
****Yeah I know that everyone gets scared****  
****But I've become what I can't be, oh****  
****Stop and stare****  
****You start to wonder why you're here not there****  
****And you'd give anything to get what's fair****  
****But fair ain't what you really need****  
****Oh, can you see what I see**

Chains rattled, their echo resounding in the cellar of the Lockwood secret chambers, the heavy gate door closed. He could feel it crawl beneath his skin, could feel it scratch at his mind. In a way they were both prisoners, him and his wolf. A thing of beauty if you looked into the books, majestic, a pack.

Tyler was none of those, he was broken, he was bloodied and bruised, he was alone. His insides burning, from the wolfsbane he had drank, the scent of vomit and blood right next to his body, making his skin crawl. The hairs at his neck stand to attention, his nose wrinkling. Until the pain set in and nothing was of importance anymore. Bones cracking, his shoulders first, the shoulder blades moving, pushing at his spine.

Reshaping it, squeezing it into the body it should be. The hair beneath his skin, ripping past the human flesh. Moving in thick patches over arms and legs, like growing grass. Only burning away his humanity in it's wake. His head snapped back, cracking in his neck, legs broken beyond repair, if her were human. Fingers bleeding, where his werewolf claws were pushing through. His face breaking, jaw moving, teeth ripping past soft gum. And with a final crack, everything set into position.

On his four, the wolf looked at the chains holding him back. It didn't take much, but the bounce of the heavy body away from the wall, to rip the chains from their anchors. Nothing could hold it, nothing would hold it. It was hungry for something, it wouldn't stop searching, not if there was something to be found. Not if his senses could feel it, not if it was calling to him. Heavy paws were moving forward, dust springing away like a demon had just touched earth. The rattling sound of the chains dropping to the ground, after a knock of his paws. And with two strong strides he was past the room and in front of the gate. His heavy body throwing itself against the metal, cracking, rattling, not giving in.

_**Try again, in the name of freedom, in the name of what was to be found. Find your pack, make it yours, break free.**_

The wolf stepped back and jumped against the gate again, his heavy body crushing into it. Again and again, until the hinges couldn't hold it anymore, until he lock broke. The gates crushed to the floor, the wolf's body rolled back onto it's paws, bouncing off the metal and up the steps. Out of the chambers, out of the tomblike prison. Into the night. Full moon hanging in the sky, like a spotlight directed at him, his senses overloading.

Who was he? What was he? The wolf howled, screamed for his pack, needed to hear something, wanted to hear something.

**They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push****  
****Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...****  
****Steady feet, don't fail me now****  
****I'm gonna run till you can't walk****  
****But something pulls my focus out****  
****And I'm standing down...**

"_**Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it."**_

Oh Peter Pan, if you knew what it was that you'd give up, if you only knew that not every sacrifice could be made. What have you done but promised her? Given her the idea of a sacrifice that could be made, to outrun the life she had. She had no pixie dust, she had no flying ship and lost boys. She was growing up and she was scared. Power comes with great burden, comes with a price, people kill for it, people die for it.

Erica held the great burden on her shoulder, paid the price of a life, watched Gerard kill for it, saw Matt dying for it. Erica couldn't go back anymore, there was no Tardis to go in, next stop back to your old days. Erica had to face the truth of pain, the knowledge of a night ahead. In which the bloodlust either killed an innocent, forced the hunters to kill her or left her wishing for death.

She had been blinded by the wish to not be alone anymore, that all she felt now was chains that held her in the ruins of the building, the town they were traveling through, didn't hold. They would never hold, not her, not with the rage the she-wolf felt. Not with the demand of being freed, no anchor to hold. Nothing held weight in her life. Not with an endless spin of death, of loss, of tears and disappointment.

Derek had promised her a life, had promised her no more lonely nights, no more helplessness, no more tears. She knew now, that those were promises Derek had sought for himself, but couldn't give any of them. Some found them elsewhere, Isaac and Boyd found them in Scott, the man they wanted to be. Erica didn't know where to go, she wasn't part of them, she was only passing by. A shadow of the shadow she used to be.

Her howl was heartbreaking, shattering in her werewolf ears, asking for something, for someone. When her ears picked up the howl, that sounded like her's. That cry for something, she sought to find, that something, the other seemed to seek as well. Human feet carrying her over the ground, hands gripping for branches, tree trunks, pushing the body through the woods. She didn't know when she had lost the chains, when she had left the building. Passing by people into the woods, running to find them.

**_You're not alone anymore, because I am alone too._**

**Stop and stare****  
****I think I'm moving but I go nowhere****  
****Yeah I know that everyone gets scared****  
****But I've become what I can't be, oh****  
****Stop and stare****  
****You start to wonder why you're here not there****  
****And you'd give anything to get what's fair****  
****But fair ain't what you really need****  
****Oh, You don't need...**

Leaves rustled, twigs snapped and then there was almost silence. Only the small soft sounds of the woods around them. Nothing but distant echoes of the owls. A twig or leaves moving, the sound of something brushing past them through the underwood. When golden eyes met golden ones, equally scared, equally fascinated and equally confused.

The wolf was the first to move, two heavy paws stretched the body forward, like it was ready to jump. But she knew better, her wolf knew, that it was what she had thought.

_**You are like me, you are what I searched, what I sought, what I found**_

She sat down, right in front of the wolf, nothing of the wildness there anymore. Almost human how she bent her knees, knelt on the ground, legs at an angle, that had her calves touching he rear. Her hands were still next to her, only her chest moving with her breathing. Teeth poking past her upper lip, touching the red lipstick. Blonde hair no longer in curls, but a wild mane of hair,framing a small face.

The wolf moved with a surety it hadn't felt in a long time, it's golden eyes holding hers. His paws by now touching her knees, the small sound of it's heavy breathing, the back legs bending. And then he sat there, almost like a dog, watching her, blinking. While she watched him and didn't require words, didn't require action, only needed the static moving of their chest, slowly synchronizing, moving in tune.

And then as if it was a command of their very nature, the wolf moved his frown paws forward, his body stretching on the soft mossy ground. So much that his heavy head could lay on it's front paws. Her own body moving, a bit less graceful, the humans limb, less like paws. Her body curling to a ball at his side, her head on the mossy ground. It wasn't soft to her, it was edgy. Her head a little tilted on her arms.

Until the wolf moved it's heavy body, brushed against her made her move. Head touching shoulder, paw touching arm. And now they were curled around each other, Erica's head on the side of the wolf, almost his back, pillowed on soft fur. Her body curling around the lower half of the wolf, his back paws touching her stomach and thighs. Tired from life, tired from changing, from constantly trying to outrun the burn of their soul, they just simply laid there. Until their breathing evened out.

Their hearts a slow sync beating, chests lifting together and sinking together. Hands curled against her chest and his side. His soft fury head against her shoulder blades. Time moved around them, the night darkening, the sun coloring it bloody red. But they couldn't be bothered, had found what they had been searching for, could finally stop and catch their breath.

**What you need, what you need...**

**Stop and stare****  
****I think I'm moving but I go nowhere****  
****And I know that everyone gets scared****  
****But I've become what I can't be****  
****Oh, do you see what I see...**


End file.
